Beyond Performance: Becoming a Man of Character, Purpose, and Integrity

In today's world, people often judge men by what they achieve, such as their success at work, how well they provide for their families, and how strong they appear. Society expects men to do well in their jobs, relationships, parenting, and leadership roles. Men feel pressure to prove their worth through their achievements. But what if real success is not just about these accomplishments? What if it is about becoming the man God wants you to be?

Understanding the Difference

The difference between becoming and performing is whether a man is built on character and integrity or just looking for praise through his achievements. Let's explore this difference, see how it affects some parts of a man's life, and discover how biblical wisdom guides men to focus on becoming rather than just performing.

Becoming: The Inner Transformation

Becoming is about our identity. It is a journey of discovery, improvement, and growth. Each challenge helps us connect more closely with our true selves and purpose. It involves building character, improving integrity, and developing emotional intelligence.

Romans 12:2 advises, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." This verse encourages us to focus on transforming our character.

My journey to discover my purpose and live with integrity inspired the vision for The Upright Man—my calling. The mission of The Upright Man is to empower men to live authentically with purpose and integrity. The ultimate goal of The Upright Man is to support and partner with men on their journey to achieve peace by becoming who God called them to be. Learn more at Theuprightman.org.

The journey of becoming involves assessing our lives and deep reflection to honestly challenge our values, beliefs, interests, and behaviors. The aim is to seek alignment and integration between our performance and our authentic calling from God, prioritizing personal growth as the driving force behind our performance.

In 1 Samuel 16:7, we learn that "the LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." This verse highlights that true value comes from our character inside, not from our outward successes.

Performing: The Quest for Achievement

Living in a performance-driven way means you judge your worth by what you achieve, not by who you are. Performance is about reaching goals, getting recognition, and achieving results that society values. Working hard and aiming for high standards can be positive. Still, if you let performance define your identity, it can lead to burnout, low confidence, wrong priorities, and a constant need for approval from others.

In life's journey, it's easy to lose sight of our true purpose and get caught up in chasing material things and trying to please others. There is a stigma around failing to meet societal expectations, like having a good job, a big house, an expensive car, marrying a woman from your culture of origin, etc. These pressures can create feelings of envy, jealousy, and anger and even lead to a sense of not belonging, shame or depression among men who find it hard to meet these expectations.

Whose expectations are you still trying to meet?
Where in your life do you notice feelings of envy, jealousy, anger, shame, or depression?

Mark 8:36 states, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" We should focus on pleasing God, not man.

Romans 2:25-29 warns us against relying solely on physical circumcision and the observance of the law. It highlights the importance of the circumcision of the heart, a transformation brought about by the Holy Spirit rather than through our efforts or performance.

True masculinity is not about seeking recognition or showing off competency and power. It is about demonstrating character, integrity, wisdom, and love in every role you take on.

What Performance Looks Like in a Man's Life:

In Work: A man who thinks his value comes from his job may work too much, miss family time, and feel inadequate if he doesn't reach a particular position. He may struggle with losing his job or retiring because he ties his identity to his job title.

Where do you find your sense of worth? Is it in your work, achievements, or who you are becoming?

At social events, we often ask, "What do you do for work?" This helps us connect with others and judge people based on their jobs. Instead, consider asking questions that focus more on who a person is than what they do for a living.

1. What is something you are passionate about right now?

2. What is something you have always wanted to do but haven't had the chance to do?

3. How do you define success, and what does it look like to you?

In Parenting: A father focused on success may provide money but neglect emotional connections with his children. He might think being a good father means offering material support rather than being present, guiding them, and showing love.

How would your wife and children describe you? Would they say you are present, engaged, distracted, and consumed by performance?

In Relationships: A man who sees relationships as competition may constantly seek approval, avoid vulnerability, and find it hard to build deep emotional connections. He may view marriage as a responsibility instead of a loving commitment and growth.

Ephesians 5:25 says,"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Who must you become to love your wife like Christ loved the church?

In Leadership: A leader who focuses on results may care more about numbers, fame, or power than the well-being of others and helping those around him.

Are you leading with humility and wisdom? Or are you trying to control outcomes and gain recognition?

Proverbs 3:13 teaches,"Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding."

Conclusion

Becoming who we want to be is a lifelong journey. It involves changing ourselves and improving our character, integrity, and emotional intelligence. These changes make our lives richer. While performing can bring temporary attention, true success, and lasting happiness come from the more profound work of growing and transforming ourselves.

Let your actions reflect who you truly are. When you do this, you'll see that success is not about trophies or recognition but about how much you've grown and your strength.

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