How Our Inner Narratives Shape Men's Lives: Beliefs, Biases, Assumptions, and Expectations

A young man comptemlating on life

Our personal stories influence who we are and how we act in essential parts of life, like marriage, parenting, and work. Many men hold beliefs and expectations that affect their relationships, jobs, and self-esteem without even realizing it. By understanding these hidden influences, we can aim to live more intentional, balanced, and caring lives.

• Our beliefs are strong ideas that affect how we see the world and act. These beliefs come from our personal experiences, cultural influences, education, and lessons from our families. For men, traditional views of masculinity can impact how we show our emotions, handle conflicts, and view vulnerability.

  
  

  • In 1 Samuel 16:7, Scripture reminds us, "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." This verse encourages men to examine their beliefs closely. It asks them to move away from shallow ideals and focus on real character and integrity.

  
  

• Biases are quick ways our brains think about things. They can help us, but sometimes they can confuse us. For example, confirmation bias focuses on information that supports our beliefs, while implicit biases influence our perceptions of others. These filters can cloud our judgment in both personal and professional contexts.

  
  

  • "Think Again" is a book by Adam Grant that encourages readers to reconsider their beliefs and assumptions. It emphasizes the importance of being open-minded, curious, and humble. Cultivating these qualities can help us grow, foster innovation, and make better decisions.

    
    

• Assumptions are guesses we make when we don’t have all the facts. We often make them quickly and without enough evidence, leading to misunderstandings. For example, a man might believe children respond well to strict parenting without emotional support.

  
  

  • James 1:19-20 says, "Dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."

    
    

  • Proverbs 18:13 cautions, “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.” This verse encourages us to question our assumptions. It reminds us to listen actively and seek clarity before making conclusions.

    
    

• Expectations are thoughts about how things will happen based on past experiences and what we learn from society. Men often feel intense pressure to be providers, protectors, and leaders. This pressure can lead to disappointment when reality does not match these ideals.

  
  

  • Here is a personal story early in my marriage: My wife first cooked for me after we moved into our apartment. I was watching TV in the living room when she called me from the kitchen, saying dinner is ready. I looked at her and remarked, "There’s no food on the table—you need to serve me." She responded angrily, telling me I needed to come to the kitchen and serve myself.

    
    

    My experience was that wives cook and serve their husbands, while my wife's experience was that you should serve yourself. Our different upbringings shaped our beliefs and expectations. This learning experience began the journey for us to challenge our beliefs, biases, assumptions, and expectations.

How Perception Affects Emotion and Behavior

Beliefs, biases, assumptions, and expectations shape our perceptions and influence how we view the world. Each person has a unique perspective on life, and our behaviors and emotional responses are driven by our interpretations of situations rather than the situations themselves.

Making decisions based on unproven assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and block personal growth. Sticking to rigid beliefs can make it hard to accept change. On the other hand, being flexible helps us adapt and improves our relationships. It is important to review and adjust our beliefs and expectations.

• In the Bible, Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." This shows that our perspective can be limited and wrong. This biblical wisdom advises us to stay humble, flexible, and open to advice. Evaluating and aligning our beliefs, biases, assumptions, and expectations with biblical principles is essential. This helps us grow and build better relationships.

  
  

• The brain has the ability of neuroplasticity, meaning that our behaviors can be strengthened through positive or negative practice. Behaviors that once served us well may no longer be effective in our ever-changing lives. Change is a part of life, so we must look at our thoughts and beliefs and adjust them to match our values, purpose, and desires.

Tips for Better Awareness and Healthier Reactions

1. Self-Reflection and Prayer

   1. Dedicate time for quiet reflection or prayer. Reflect on your beliefs, assumptions, and biases. Ask for guidance to see beyond your limited perspective and align your responses with wisdom and compassion.

   2. Romans 12:2 advises us, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." This call to renew our minds encourages us to rethink our interpretations. By using prayer, reflection, or mindfulness, we can change our emotional reactions, allowing us to respond in ways that align better with our values.

2. Reframing Your Interpretation

   1. Since emotions arise from how you interpret situations, work on changing your perception. When you feel a strong emotion, pause and ask yourself, "What else could this mean?"

   2. Romans 12:2 advises us, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." This call to renew our minds challenges us to practice reevaluation of our interpretations. We can change our emotional reactions by rethinking how we see things—using prayer, reflection, or mindfulness. Reframing helps reduce emotional reactions and find better ways to deal with them. This allows us to respond thoughtfully rather than react quickly.

3. Seek Diverse Perspectives

   1. Engage actively with individuals with different viewpoints through conversations, reading diverse literature, or participating in diverse communities. Listen actively and genuinely seek to understand others' perspectives without judgment. Doing this helps you know more and challenges your biases. It also enables you to develop a more empathetic and well-rounded view of the world.

4. Cultivate curiosity

   1. Approach situations with a curious mindset, asking questions and exploring different possibilities. Cultivate a habit of continuous learning and seek out new information and ideas.

5. Embrace discomfort with certainty.

   1. Embrace uncertainty and be open to changing your mind when presented with new evidence or perspectives. Recognize that uncertainty is inherent in complex issues and view it as an opportunity for growth and learning.

6. Love others and lead with compassion.

   1. Treating everyone with compassion, respect, love, and integrity can build trust and support in our communities and organizations. Let’s approach each other with kindness, listen to understand, and stay curious about what others are going through. This helps us get to know each other better.

Conclusion

Our inner stories—shaped by beliefs, biases, assumptions, and expectations—significantly affect a man's life, including his marriage, parenting, and work decisions. By applying timeless biblical wisdom with expert advice, men can start a journey of self-discovery and change.

By reflecting, being open-minded, and focusing on personal growth, men can question old stories and live more balanced and genuinely. When they notice their thoughts and feelings, they can build healthier relationships, make better choices, and lead stronger and more sensitive lives.

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 If you need a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your perceptions and take courageous action to address them, sign up for a free coaching session today to start making progress.